Sorry I've been gone....

In 2011, my AMAZING Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  Despite his best efforts of always being on top of things and despite knowing his own father battled prostate cancer for years - going to the doctor and religiously having his PSA tested proved to be futile.  His awful doctor, Dr. LaRosa refused to diagnose him years ago.  His PSA was rising and my Dad was vigilant in asking, "What is going on?  Why is this rising?"  (He admitted in his last days that he should have gotten a second opinion - let this be a lesson to you or someone you love!)  The doctor finally conceded and he had several biopsies.  It turns out, there are four quadrants to the prostate and the doctor repeatedly biopsied three out of four of the quadrants.  You can probably guess where his cancer was.

Me and my Dad, fishing on the dock.  He was awful brave to let me control that fishing pole.

In early August, my Dad was told that he would be stopping all of his treatment.  After several years of various treatments, starting with hormone therapy, followed by a chemo pill, followed by actual chemotherapy (twice), his body had just given out.  He was exhausted.  

Here we are at Yankee Stadium in 2008.  My Dad and I shared a great love (and sometimes, hate) of baseball. (Side note:  I wish I still had those earrings that Todd bought me!!!  But I lost one!)

They told him that he would have 4-9 months left to live.  They told him that he would feel lousy for a little while, begin to feel better, and then go downhill again.  They told him that he would even be able to take a cruise, if he felt up to it.  So we tried to time our last visit with the peak of the mountain of time he had left with us.  We booked tickets to see him in late September.  I had visions that he would swim with us, but then would be very tired and would have to take naps.  I dreamt he could go to Frenchy's one last time with us.  I dreamt he would look like my dad.

Ten weeks later, he was gone.

And I didn't get any of those things.  When we arrived on Friday the 21st of September, my Dad was sitting in his chair, as he always was when we arrived.  He looked awful. I would never have told him that, but his skin was gray.  He hardly looked like the tanned man I knew for 42 years. 

The next 48 hours were hard.  He went from "able to get out of his bed with some help" to "paralyzed" by Monday.  It happend that fast.  I was woefully unprepared. He told me when I was home that his end was near.  I know... you're reading this thinking, "God, this is so dark!"  But this is what happened, and this is my outlet to document it.  

"Get me my hat.  I don't want anyone seeing me without hair."  

There's really nothing he loved in this world more than these four.

I was trying to think of how old this photo was. I remember the bench, and how we didn't have davits for a while.  And the sign out in the Intracoastal.... what year was this?  I think it was around 2000. He was so happy. I imagine this is how he is in heaven.

Or maybe he's just in heaven with his babies and a sheepshead fish.

It's still one of my favorite pictures.  Look at those happy faces.  Me and my Dad.

Here we are older, and at the Grand Canyon.  This trip was a whirlwind of emotion for me.  He knows about it. 

Weren't we cute?  I think I was 7 here.  My Dad had taken us (solo) to the Shriner's Easter Egg hunt.  My Mom worked a lot of nights and weekends, and I was one of those kids who had an actual relationship with my Dad because I didn't have a choice.  My Mom had to work (and at the time, she made more money than he did) so my Dad took us to Easter Egg hunts and made us dinner every night out of the Fry Daddy.  He was such a hands on dad.  I'm sure he was super self conscious (I can hear him now saying, "I didn't know what the hell I was doing!") but he really did such a good job.

This was Christmas of 1988.  We had just bought this Nissan Maxima (which later I would wind up hating when I was learning to drive!)

This is my Dad with his parents, at their 50th wedding anniversary.  I still don't know who he looks like. But I think it's funny that he's taller than his Dad.  My grandparents were married for 61 years and my parents made it to 50 years this past June.

He said he didn't remember this, but I'm pretty sure I asked him to grow a beard, and he did!  And he took us to Disney World every year, usually in February.

Even when I made mistakes in life, my Dad always supported me.  This was right after my divorce, when I had to sell my home and move into an apartment.  We apparently liked to wear matching orange sweaters... mine for Auburn, his for the Gators.

I was fortunate enough to find the love of my life in Todd, and I know how extremely lucky I was to have my Dad there to walk me down the aisle.  So many people don't get that opportunity.  

I know, I know... it's kind of inappropriate!  But SO funny, with his Styrofoam koozie.  I wish I knew the story of this one.  (Side note:  I loved that couch!)

Even though my Dad isn't with us anymore, at least I have his little mini me - Grant!  I still can't believe how much those two look alike!

He loved to fish.  And he was really good at it!

I remember he had this huge video camera back in the early to mid 80s.  I didn't know anyone else who actually had one like this. This was at my grandmother's house (my Mom's Mom) in Rushville, Indiana.  He was always one for documenting memories so no one ever forgot them.  He took pictures, video and told SO many stories.

In 2001, I came home for Thanksgiving - one of those rare times I got a holiday off at The Weather Channel.  We took this family pic on the dock.  I met Todd about 6 months later and the photo on the dock was never again just the four of us.

I'd be doing you all a great disservice if I didn't show this photo of us back when I had a perm.  I think this was Christmas of 1985.

This picture is cute - and to me, really funny.  It was Easter 1978 and my Mom had just found out that she was pregnant with my brother.  She's so happy and glowing. My Dad is giving side eye like, "What?  You mean we're gonna have another one of those???"  I kid of course... his kids were everything to him.

He was quite proud of this one - he and my brother had gone out to Colorado and went to the Coors factory.

My Mom said she didn't like this picture but I guess aside from my dad squinting in the sun, I always thought it was really cute.  I remember how excited I was that they came up for the Diamond Dolls Parents' Day.  I learned all of my baseball knowledge from my Dad!  (I also thought my Mom looked really pretty here!)

We were kind of cute, weren't we? (Sorry the photo is kind of beat up.)  I think my brother and I were one and three here.  Who doesn't have a bunch of these Olan Mills family photos!?!

One of my favorite things about my Dad, that I *think* I got from him (and my Mom!) was his sense of adventure and humor.  When I was 16 years old, he asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said, "I want to go to Candlestick Park and see the Giants play."  My Mom worked for Delta Air Lines so that wasn't a problem... we left on the Saturday morning 6 am flight with a brief stop in Dallas and were in San Francisco well before lunchtime.  We changed clothes in the airport, rented a car and went to the 'Stick.  Back then, Tampa Bay didn't have a baseball team and there were rumors swirling that the San Francisco Giants were going to be sold to Tampa Bay and that this game would be their (second to) last game at Candlestick.  All of the Tampa Bay news outlets were there, and Dad happened to notice one of the WFLA Channel 8 reporters Rod Challenger.  As he told the story, he walked right up to Rod and introduced himself:  "Bill Swales, Indian Rocks Beach, Florida."  Well, Rod immediately sensed a story!  So did the St. Petersburg Times, who gave a half page write up about us.  (Slow news day, perhaps?)  Right before I moved to Germany, I flew down to Tampa for my nephew's baptism, so we decided to recreate this epic photo at the Trop.  We all got the BIGGEST kick out of this!  How lucky are we?  My Dad absolutely loved this.  Two great memories.

I'm *kind of* glad this day happened.  He certainly loved my mother.

Yep.  One more of those funny Olan Mills photos!

Wait, wait... let's get ONE more Olan Mills photo.  This was the only time we ever did this after I was about 4 years old.  I don't know what possessed us to do this, but I still vividly remember it.  It was the fall of 1991.

My Dad had one sister, Martha who passed away in 2002 of ALS.  I like to think that they're riding bikes together in heaven.

My parents loved to travel and visited 76 countries and all 50 states.  Wherever he went, he liked to have a "couple of frosties" and often stole these beer glasses!  I've got to give credit to my Mom... who often snuck them out in her purse.  In their later years, they were more honest and just bought them!  Here he was in Iceland, having a Viking frosty.

I think of the song, "Leader of the Band" by one of my favorite singers, Dan Fogelberg.  

"I thank you for the music and your stories of the road

I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go
I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough
And, Papa, I don't think I said "I love you" near enough.

The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul.
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man.
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band.
I am the living legacy to the leader of the band." 

My Dad also loved the Wild Turkey.  We both loved our bourbon!  Anytime a hurricane approached and they had to evacuate, he would take this picture.  My Dad was very good at putting people at ease when things were very stressful.  He really did have a great sense of humor!

Believe it or not, this was the very day of the Boston Marathon bombing.  We had been out on 135 in Natick watching the marathon at a friends house, and came home around lunchtime because the kids needed to eat and take naps.  Pop Pop got out a book and read it to Grant.  Pop Pop and his little mini me.  A few hours later, as we were all napping (except for Todd), we learned about the bombings.

He loved his family and loved to take us all out to dinner (and pay for it!) like this time in 2017 we went to the Salt Rock Café.

Every Christmas Eve, we used to go down to the Valdez house in St. Petersburg (my godfather's parents house) and have a pig roast. There was (is!) always quite a spread - with the whole pig, yucca, Greek salad, black beans and rice... you never leave hungry.  My Dad never went anywhere without his signature Polo shirts on (or a t-shirt and a baseball hat!)

My Dad's best friend is my Godfather, Jose.  (See above!) He often stopped by to see my Dad so they could just chat.  They would just tell stories and it was so awesome.  I was so happy to tell stories with them. Jose hung out in my Dad's wheelchair and they told stories for forever. 

My Dad was also a VERY hard worker.  He never knew how to slow down.  He had three degrees from Ball State (2) and the University of South Florida, and eventually worked in the Administration building for Pinellas County schools.  Later, he was an assistant principal of a high school.  Not bad for a kid from a VERY poor family in southern Indiana.

My dad passed away on October 12, 2018 at the age of 76.  His mother lived to be 100 and some change. His father was 84.  I don't know how he could have been taken so early from us.  Especially when he was so vigilant when it came to his health.

This smile and his laughter is what I will miss the most.  As I finished writing this blog, the song "Ships of Heaven" by Blackhawk randomly popped up on my phone. 

"Don't cry for me when I'm gone
Keep the faith and be strong
Cause through it all I've been blessed
I've faced my fears and passed the test
When you look up in the sky on a sunny day
Imagine me driftin' away

I'll be sailing on the ships of heaven
When the tide rolls out for the last time
You'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven

Waiting for the day I come sailing back to you.

Remember all,the times we had
Some were great some were sad
But ya know that in the end
Our love was stronger when we began
No unforgiven sins and no regrets
Just the times of our lifes we will never forget
I'll be sailing on the ships of heaven
When the tide rolls out,for the last time
You'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven
Waiting for the day I come sailing back to you."

I can't wait for you to come sailing back to me, Daddy.